Alcohol & Health
Treatment
Helping Alcoholics
Medically Reviewed by Annamarie Coy, BA, ICPR, MATS
In this article
Dating sober, also known as dry dating, is meeting someone without drinking alcohol or using drugs. It started long before the pandemic, long before it was a trend in the dating scene as an essential part of sobriety for those in recovery.
Meeting at a bar or enjoying a cocktail has long been part of the dating scene. However, with bars and restaurants closed during the COVID-19 pandemic, people were forced to find other activities to enjoy while socializing.
Whether you’re struggling with an alcohol addiction or want to date while staying sober, dry dating is an excellent idea for people from all walks of life.
Dating a sober person offers many benefits, whether you’re recovering from alcohol dependence or not. Sober daters can form deeper connections, share healthier lifestyles, and enjoy improved communication.
If you are concerned with your drinking and want to cut back, being around people who don’t drink makes it easier to achieve your goal. If one or both of you are recovering from substance use disorder (SUD), you’ll have a mutual understanding of your situations and be able to support one another.
For many, alcohol is a barrier to connecting with other people. You might doubt if they’ll like the sober version of you. When you begin a relationship sober, you never need to worry about insecurities like these.
Over 3 million people use BetterHelp. Their services are:
Answer a few questions to get started
Sobriety experts recommend waiting at least a year before dating when you enter recovery.1 However, this is just a guideline. No rule suddenly makes someone ready to date on day 365 of recovery.
Everyone is different, so it’s important to honor your circumstances. Committing to sobriety is a big decision in a person’s life. You need to move at whatever pace works for you.
Before dipping your toe back into the dating pool, the most important thing to consider is how your recovery is going. If you are still struggling to live soberly, it’s a good indicator that you must continue focusing on yourself.
If staying sober is no longer your primary concern, allow things to unfold naturally and be aware of your well-being.
Some signs that you might be ready to try dating include:
Be open to dating, be social, and go with the flow. If the right person comes along, you’ll be ready to embrace the opportunity to start dating.
Like traditional dating, many online tools and IRL opportunities exist to find your sober partner. You can try the following:
There are even options for sober people, including Sober Grid or MeetMindful. These apps specifically cater to sober daters.
You can also use dating apps like Bumble that show your preference toward activities like smoking or drinking.
People recovering from alcohol may want to build their life away from drinking alcohol. Taking classes, attending events, and volunteering are great ways to expand your social life and meet new people.
If you have a cause or hobby of interest, chances are there’s a group you can join. For example, you might join a book club or travel club. Even if you don’t meet a sober significant other, it’s still a great way to make friends.
People supporting your sober journey want what’s best for you. Now that you’re leading a healthier, happier life, chances are they’ll be excited to help you get back out there. Be open about letting your friends and family meet new people and start dating.
Due to dating apps, this option isn’t as popular in modern times, but it still has merit. Working with a matchmaking service eliminates the need to sift through incompatible people to trim your options. Your matchmaker can do the hard work for you, especially when reinforcing your sober requirements.
Sometimes the best way to meet people is to start living your life. When you’re on the bus, at the store, or anywhere else where there are other people, spend time looking around and making real connections when meeting new people.
They’ll connect you to an addiction and mental health counselor
Find a TherapistAnswer a few questions to get started
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a worldwide community created to help people struggling with problem drinking. People in AA attend meetings with their peers daily or less frequently through in-person or online gatherings.
Yes, you can date someone in AA, but the group discourages members from dating within the first year of sobriety. That’s because the risk of relapse is highest during this time.
Dating someone in AA has its pros and cons. Much of the experience will depend on the stage of recovery of one or both parties. Despite the challenges, dating someone in AA offers many benefits.
BetterHelp offers affordable mental health care via phone, video, or live-chat.
Find a TherapistAnswer a few questions to get started
If you try sober dating, have an authentic conversation with potential partners about your situation. You’ll want to do this early in the relationship to set proper expectations and boundaries.
Setting strong boundaries is important if you’re still on your road to recovery. These will help you avoid awkward conversations and wasted time and effort.
Remember, dating, whether sober or not, is a personal journey. The most important thing is to stay true to yourself. You shouldn’t adjust your healthy boundaries for them.
Most addiction experts recommend waiting at least a year after you begin recovery to start dating. Ultimately, whether or not you can stay in a relationship depends on you and your partner’s circumstances.
There are plenty of activities great for dating that don’t involve alcohol. Consider going to an arts event, spending time in nature, or planning an excursion such as camping or bungee jumping.
Yes. However, it takes work from both parties. Ideally, a couple in a marriage affected by Substance Use Disorder (SUD) must receive counseling together and individually.
Sobriety is trendy right now, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have natural benefits. For most people, sobriety is part of developing a healthy lifestyle.
Sober dating is a great way to find healthy companionship, especially for people recovering from SUD. Be honest and upfront about your situation if you meet someone who sparks your interest.
If you have concerns about being intimate when you stay sober, seeking counseling might be a good idea. Speaking to a professional who understands the challenges of sobriety and intimacy can help you sort through your feelings. They’ll also offer tips specific to your situation to help you feel confident connecting with someone you care about.
In this article
