Medically Reviewed by Annamarie Coy, BA, ICPR, MATS
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Alcohol use disorder (AUD) includes alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence, and alcoholism. People who abuse alcohol are one step beyond heavy drinkers.
People with AUD continue to drink alcohol despite its toll on their physical and mental health. They also drink despite knowing the harmful effects it has on their relationships.
People who abuse alcohol often drink to:1,2
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Alcoholism isn’t an uncommon disease. About 15 million people in the United States struggle with AUD.15
There are many reasons people drink. But, contrary to popular belief, not everyone with a drinking problem is an alcoholic.
However, if you’re worried that your partner may be an alcoholic, there are a few red flags. Here are 10 major signs that your partner is an alcoholic.4
People who struggle with alcoholism cannot limit their alcohol intake. They also seem to be unable to quit drinking altogether. This is especially true if they’ve attempted to quit before and failed.
They’ll even continue to drink alcohol despite the negative effects on their health and well-being. If your partner can’t control their drinking habits, it’s a sign that they have a problem.
If your partner has an alcohol use disorder, most of their time will be devoted to drinking. They’ll drink frequently and heavily at any given time.
Most of their hobbies and social activities will involve drinking. They may even avoid certain social events if there is no alcohol available.
People who frequently and excessively drink alcohol will develop a higher tolerance for it. They will often need to drink more alcohol to get drunk. If your partner has a high tolerance for alcohol, then they may be an alcoholic.
Alcoholism can have a toll on a person’s mental and physical health. Because of this, an alcoholic may not have the energy or time to take care of themselves.
People who struggle with AUD have a hard time maintaining nutrition or hygiene. If your partner spends more time drinking than bathing or eating healthy, it’s a sign of alcoholism.
If your partner is an alcoholic, they may do things to hide their drinking problem. This may include:
If you start noticing these red flags, your partner may be an alcoholic.
If your partner is an alcoholic, you may notice that they’re letting their duties and obligations slide. You may notice that they have problems with:
People who struggle with alcoholism will often be impulsive. They routinely engage in risky behavior and can harm themselves and others.
Because of this, they can cause problems for others or get in trouble with the law. If your partner has done any of the following, they may be an alcoholic:16
Alcoholism is a genetic disease. Studies have shown that children of alcoholics are at risk of becoming alcoholics themselves.8
Your partner may be an alcoholic if they have an alcoholic parent or close family member. They can also become an alcoholic due to early alcohol exposure.
Often, alcoholism can occur alongside another mental health disorder, a co-occurring disorder. Alcoholism can worsen their mental health and vice versa.4
The most common mental disorders for co-occurring disorders include:
If your partner is using alcohol to cope with their mental illness, then they may be an alcoholic.
If you think your partner is an alcoholic, they’ll experience problems while not drinking alcohol. They might have uncontrolled cravings, and if they go without drinking long enough, they may develop alcohol withdrawal syndrome.4
Symptoms of alcohol withdrawal syndrome include:
Alcohol use disorder can have various harmful side effects. People can even become dependent on alcohol. The short and long-term side effects of alcohol use disorder include:2,3
People with alcohol use disorder will also have difficulties maintaining their social life. Their mood and behavior changes can drastically affect their relationships with friends and loved ones.
Alcoholism doesn’t only affect the person battling it. It also affects the well-being of the people in their lives.
Dating an alcoholic can affect your mental, physical, and emotional health. An alcoholic partner can be:9
It can be hard to maintain a relationship with an alcoholic because they prioritize drinking above everything else. This means an alcoholic partner will neglect your wants and needs. They’ll even neglect any pets or children you may have.
They’ll connect you to an addiction and mental health counselor
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If you’re dating an alcoholic, you should first consider whether or not the relationship is worth it. Ask yourself the following questions:
If you’re not in harm’s way and don’t want to leave your partner, reaching out for professional help is still advisable. Support groups are available for people with alcoholic loved ones, such as Al-Anon. Support groups can help you be a better supporter and cope with your partner’s alcohol addiction.
Here are some quick tips to remember if you’re dating an alcoholic:12
If you’re in physical danger, call the Domestic Violence Support National Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for immediate, confidential, free help.
BetterHelp offers affordable mental health care via phone, video, or live-chat.
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Your partner needs a support system during their recovery journey. So do your best to be present, communicative, and supportive.12
The most helpful thing you can do is reach out for professional help so they don’t have to endure the road to recovery alone. Loved ones are important in helping an alcoholic start recovery but aren’t expected to be the only source of support.
There are various treatment options available to you and your partner. These treatment options include:
You can seek out couples therapy to work out your relationship problems. You can also join a support group like Al-Anon to help you cope with your partner’s addiction.
Dating an alcoholic can be a stressful and overwhelming experience. Many of the signs that point to your partner’s alcoholism are self-destructive.
Maintaining a relationship with an alcoholic partner can affect your self-esteem and confidence. It can severely damage your mental, physical, and emotional health.
If you have an alcoholic partner, seek professional help, especially if they’re violent. You can join a support group like Al-Anon to better cope with your partner’s alcoholism.
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